


White House Deputy Chief of Staff

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Character Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-02-03
Updated: 2001-02-03
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Different people of the West Wing reflect on their lives so far





	White House Deputy Chief of Staff

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

RATING: G  
NOTES: New series. See Part One.  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the West Wing or any of its related   
characters. Don't sue.   
SUMMARY: Different people of the West Wing reflect on their lives so   
far.

I've never been very good with goodbyes. I don't believe I ever   
will be. There's just something about saying goodbye that feels   
so... final. When I was getting loaded into that ambulance, all I   
could think about was not wanting to say goodbye. I think watching   
Mandy read the card was the best that I could do. Now I can only move   
on to other things, clear my mind and that kind of crap, right?  
I'm so tired. I wish my father were here. I still miss him.  
The day's more than halfway done and I still have a ton of work   
left to do. I think I've got to be the hardest working man in this   
country, right after Leo of course. Leo is a good man, a strong man   
and I'm proud of him. I know that seems patronizing, but I am. He's   
gotten through so much more than I ever could. He's survived a war,   
countless runs in the field of politics, including the high stress   
position of Secretary of Labor, alcoholism, drug addiction,   
conquering both, his wife left him and he has to deal with the   
President more than any of the rest of us and he does it.   
That in itself is quite commendable.  
Donna seems quiet today. It's a rare thing for Donna to be quiet.   
I hope she's okay. I worry about Donna sometimes. She goes out with   
those gomers with high hopes and then she gets let down. She deserves   
better than that. She deserves someone intelligent, charming, caring,   
sensitive; someone who's worthy of her intelligence, charm, kindness,   
caring and sensitivity. None of the guys she goes out with fall into   
that category.  
Personally, I can only think of one person who does.  
I want to go home. I really don't want to be here today. Surely   
the world can survive without me for the rest of today. I'm tired and   
I don't feel like dealing with people today. I don't think I have the   
energy to be myself today. I'm not sure I've had any of that energy   
in the last six months.  
I love my friends. They all have these quirks and follies and   
things that just keep me going. I think it's funny how much of a   
family we all are. Even Toby has these moments when he's a big   
brother to any one of us. And, as a big brother, he messes up every   
once in a while. CJ is the mother, I think, or mother hen, but   
anyway, she's always taking care of us. She yells at us, punishes us,   
and then she's there for us when we need her. When I need her...  
Sam is the little brother of course. Always getting into trouble,   
throwing what Toby affectionately calls a "whining tantrum" every   
once in a while, and being the youngest, most idealistic of us all,   
he's definitely the baby of this family. I think sometimes he grows   
up and other times I think he becomes a little kid again. Like with   
this GDC thing; he threw a tantrum, partly for good reason, but for   
the most part, he was just whining. He should have known better than   
to set up the meeting in the first place without talking to Toby or   
Leo or even me. I love Sam, but he has a lot to learn about politics.   
Leo is our father. Not that I could ever see Leo and CJ (as the   
mother and father) married... Well, yes, actually I could, but   
that's just such an odd mental picture, I'm going to dismiss it...   
Anyway, Leo takes care of us too. He's a grumpy, harsh, old man but   
when he yells at us, it's because he cares. It's because he's   
disappointed in us; he'd hoped we'd do better than whatever we'd   
done. He yells at us when we do something we shouldn't have done. He   
expects us to be the best we can be and he drives us to it. Yeah, he   
takes care of us like a father would. I love that guy.   
My chest hurts sometimes. I've got this long pinkish scar to   
remind me of why. I don't relive the shooting too often anymore, not   
the way Stanley said that I did. I'm seeing this guy named Peter, the   
guy that Stanley recommended. For some reason, I didn't want to go   
back to the first Stanley, to the one that I saw for so long. I just   
felt like I needed to start anew. I felt like the shooting took place   
long after I had last seen Stanley. It was something unrelated. I   
just wanted something new.   
When I was fifteen, my best friend was shot because he was   
Jewish. He was on his way home from the movies when these three guys   
jumped him, pulled him into an alley, called him "kike" over and over   
again as they beat him, and then they finally shot him in the head. I   
had almost gone to the movies with him that day, but I stayed home   
because my father was leaving town the next day and I wanted to spend   
time with him. At my friend's funeral, I wondered the same thing I   
wonder every time I see this scar: Why not me? Thousands of people   
die each year from gunshot wounds, but not me.   
Why?  
Leo himself asked me "How did that bullet not kill you?" Doesn't   
he know that I wonder that every single day? Why didn't it kill me?   
Don't get me wrong; I'm more than ecstatic to be alive... But why   
am I alive and Ira is not? Why did he die at age fifteen and I   
didn't? Why did Joanie die and not me? My father, all those people in   
Vietnam that Leo fought with... Why not me? Why did that pilot die   
crashing into a plane and not me?  
I wonder about it a lot. There's so much complexity to this thing   
called life. So much has changed and it was all in a simple gunshot.   
I'm still alive though. I survived the gunshot. I don't know if they   
understand why it is that I became so obsessed with physics. It was   
because I needed to figure out those damn complexities, the ones that   
wrote down somewhere "Josh Lyman will not die. Not yet." I was just   
trying to figure out why. I just needed to.  
I need to call my mother. Her birthday is coming up and I haven't   
talked to her in a while. She came down after the shooting, to take   
care of me. However, she was always such a fuss, and there were   
things for her to take care of back home, so she didn't stay for more   
than a month. Donna took care of me after that. She took care of me   
everyday. It got so that she was practically living with me. The   
strange thing is that I loved it. I loved having her around all the   
time, taking care of me and being my friend.  
The friend thing was the only thing that didn't feel 100% right.   
It felt like it should have been something more. It still does. I   
wonder what that means.  
Nothing. Nothing at all.  
So let's see here: I'm a graduate of Harvard and Yale, a   
Fulbright scholar, White House Deputy Chief of Staff... And yet   
I'm single. I have a fan club, but I`m single. I have ex-girlfriends   
but no girlfriend... You know, I never wanted Mandy to work here.   
Now that she's leaving I almost feel bad. I mean, sure, I didn't like   
her all that much, but there was a time, not that long ago, when I   
loved her. Love is such a powerful thing, you know? I don't get along   
perfectly with her, but part of me still loves her.   
As much as I hate the thought, I should probably get back to   
work. I have a staff meeting coming up soon. It's time for me to   
gather up the energy that I need to be me. Another few hours and then   
I'll go back home. I'll let Donna go home too. She'll appreciate   
that, going home before ten o'clock at night. I'm sure she will.   
She's always telling me how much she would. Of course, tomorrow it's   
going to be a raise or a trip to Hawaii or Aspen, armed with a set of   
skis or something like that. That I can't give her.   
I want to get up and take a walk around. Maybe I can get the   
blood flowing and stop thinking about all this stuff. I get depressed   
thinking about this stuff. I think the important thing is that   
everyone's okay; everyone's alive. I'm alive, and it occurs to me now   
that it's nut just me. We're all alive. Me, Leo, the President, CJ,   
Toby, Sam, Zoey, Charlie... My main man, Charlie.   
Donna is alive. Donna is walking towards me. Donna is   
beautiful... Okay time to go back to work.

*******************************

  


End file.
